Sometimes it's he smallest things in life that make you stop and look around. My youngest Zakary was reading books this morning and found a scrapbook of his oldest sister that she had made herself. He came up to me with tears in eyes asking where the pictures of him were. I tried to explain he hadn't been born yet when those were taken, but he's 4, he doesn't get it. I then told him that mommy had lots of pictures of him as a baby too and of course he wanted to see them right away. So thee I was tearing apart my closet to find his baby book... see I've been a bit of a slacker. His three older siblings have crap books from birth till there first birthday, and all though I have everything to put Zak's book together I haven't done it. I can use the excuse of no time, which it honestly feels like I don't have, but that's not a good enough excuse for me when I've got the others done. His baby book I kept up on though. So we looked through his book, which he was very excited about. And then I carried him around the house showing him all of the photos I have of him everywhere. He was very excited. Maybe he thought the baby in all the pictures was just a baby, not him.
Life has been busy for me. Up and Down and back and forth. Sometimes it feels like the roller coaster I live on is just too much and that I should jump off. But it's my roller coaster, I'm the one driving, right? Sometimes I feel like I'm not in control or making the decisions, but I am. It can be a battle to be me, but it always seems to turn out ok in the end. A little bit of chaos hasn't killed me yet, hopefully just made me stronger and I have four beautiful children who are always able to make everything better, even when I feel like my tummy's upside down when the ride stops. I wouldn't be me without them. I've said that a million times and I will say it a billion more.
It's been four plus years since I touched a scrapbook. I think it's time I start. Maybe going through my life in photographs will help me feel a bit more grounded. And if anything my baby wont be in tears cause he doesn't know why he's not in the pictures. Thanksgiving is next week, a time to be thankful for the good things in life. I have four beautiful reasons to be thankful for, no matter what day of the year it is. There's no place to go from here other than up, I better get started.
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